I know how difficult change is. Every time life changes, especially in a major way, something inside must shift to make room for the new. If nothing shifts, then new changes are experienced in old ways. Pushing myself to be uncomfortable for a while, to do things that are hard, is important to me. Driving in Scotland was one of those hard things.
There was no avoiding learning to drive. I did, however, enjoy the safety of sitting in the passenger's seat with David driving for the first four or five days. He kept asking if I wanted to take the wheel, but I made excuses (the main excuse being that I needed some time to simply observe and get a feel for the rules of the road). Eventually, especially with him back to work so soon, I had to get tough and do it.
My first real driving experience was testing out cars. I was scared, but the universe provides. The saleswoman at our first stop (Toyota) was about the sweestest person I could have encountered, and not only was she understanding, but she took me to a nice, deserted area where I could comfortably test drive the car. By the end of the day, I took a Ford Fiesta out onto a busy road, and although my hands ached from clutching the wheel, I made it back to the dealership in one piece. Aside from a small mishap involving a VW Polo and a curb, I didn't do too badly.
Wrapping my head around driving on the other side of the road physically made my brain hurt at first. My biggest fear was having the girls in the car and experiencing a momentary lapse of judgement....would I pull out onto the wrong side, would I look the wrong way and not see an uncoming car? What helped me the most was always remembering that I would be sitting closest to the middle of the road, no matter which way I turned.
Having the stick shift in my left hand was also difficult at first, and I must admit to putting the car in reverse instead of second gear a few times (that grinding noise sure does wake you up). By the way, people here think it's funny when you call it a "stick shift". Saying it makes you reeeaaalllly American.
Most of all what strikes me about driving in Scotland is just how alert I need to be when driving (or even walking). The streets are narrow and you are required to fit into and drive through spaces that would make most Americans sweat bullets. You have to dodge cars, watch out for people (because people actually walk around here), and decide which exit you'll be taking on the roundabout before reaching it. Add pouring rain to the equation and you'll surely understand why, on more than one occassion, I have broken down into sobbing tears after finding a spot to pull over. "What's wrong, Mommy?" I normally answer, "I'm okay, girls....Mommy's just getting used to driving around Scotland." Luckily, my two biggest cheerleaders are in the back seat. Whenever I get stressed and warn them that I might not find where we're going, I hear, "You can do it, Mom!"
So I know now why talking on a cell phone (okay..."mobile") while driving is illegal here, and why I may never drink another cup of tea in the car again. There's simply too much going on between the figuring out and the shifting. I'm just going to convince myself that cutting down on caffeine is a good thing.
And when all else fails, I remind myself that being uncomfortable sometimes is okay. These are the experiences that will make me more open-minded, more understanding, and will teach me to be more patient and kind to myself....a quality that is sorely needed. I hope to teach my girls to be independent and take chances. I also want them to know that it's alright to cry, too. This is what it's all about...the "down and dirty" of moving to a new place, a new country.
Here's to shifting my car....and shifting my thinking!
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